#3: Authenticity, 30 Days of Tunes, Big Magic, Jerry Seinfeld & The 4 Tendencies
Weekly digest of things I'm thinking, consuming, and inspired by 🤘
Hi team,
We’re back for another week! You may (or may not) have noticed that I skipped out on last week. I need to come clean and admit that this wasn’t by design. I blew it and missed the target send-date I had set for myself. I’ve been focused on staying true to my personal commitments, and staying consistent with this practice, so I’ve been bummed out by this and just wanted to acknowledge. You’ll see in today’s Inspiration section why this is difficult for me. But anyways, onward!
To start, some quick personal updates:
I’ve completed 8 days of writing music! And it’s been so damn fun. You can follow the journey on harrisbrown.me/music or my Soundcloud account. Big ups to Jordan, Parker, Khosh and others who have been a huge help and inspiration!
I’ll be starting the On Deck Writer’s Fellowship this January! I’m excited to build on my writing momentum moving into 2021. Thanks to Nick and Brian for encouraging me to put in an application! Hit me up if you’re curious about the program, or any of On Deck’s other programs.
Here’s a preview of what we’ll dive into today:
🤔 My Journey Into Authenticity
🎸 30 Tunes in 30(ish) Days
📖 Big Magic
🎤 Jerry Seinfeld’s Systems
🦄 The Four Tendencies, Interintellect & ee cummings
🤔 My Journey Into Authenticity
Last week, I shared the answer to this question: If I gave myself 6 months of runway to not get a “real” job, how would I spend it? I promise not to bore folks with this story again, but I wanted to spend time this week diving into one of my focus areas during this time. Specifically, this one:
Authenticity: I want to more thoughtfully, and formally, move down a path towards discovering my "authentic" self, or North Star as Martha Beck would say. Questions like: What is the vision for my life? What do I actually care about, give me meaning? What activities are energizing to me? Where does my curiosity naturally take me? I want to explore these, or at least conclude whether the exploration is worth the time and nagging inner-voice.
Reading this, you’re probably wondering the same thing that I am — what the hell does this actually mean? Trust me, I’m plenty confused as well; and because of that, I wanted to spend this week digging into more detail.
My journey to arrive at Authenticity as something I’m focused on starts at the same place many of my “journeys” over the last few months have started from — some insightful questions from my coach, Jocelyn; in this case, these were shared as a prompt for how I might think about my roadmap.
Consider the metaphor that you're about to embark on the Pacific Crest Trail. What sights do you want to see? What mountains do you want to summit? What skills along the way do you want to develop along the way? Who do you want hiking alongside you? What do you want to be celebrating when you're done? In other words, what do you want to accomplish with this 6-12 month stint? What milestones will you track your progress by?
So with these questions as my guide, I painfully reserved self-judgement and flexed my divergent thinking muscles. The result: a comically long list of everything I could think of. I’ll let Jocelyn fact-check me on this, but upon me sharing, I’m pretty sure her initial response was a laugh. I’ll spare you the entire list, but I wanted to share a sample:
More creating & less consuming, Launch a product, Write, Find my voice, Explore alternative paths, Finding my north star, Launch consulting business, Self work & meaning, Acquire some new skills…[the list goes on]
Looking at this list, I observed that things fell into one of 2 categories: (a) things that made sense and (b) things that made NO sense
Launch a product. Yep. Acquire new skills. Simple enough. Launch consulting business. Got it. These are all things with a known outcome and clear-enough path to that outcome. These are reasonable professional goals; things that wouldn’t make someone uncomfortable if you mentioned them in conversation. I would qualify these as (a) things that made sense.
Finding my north star. Hmmm. Self-work and meaning. Hmmm again. Finding my voice. 🤔. These are all things that are 100% vague and lacking clear definition, and would almost certainly land in silence. These are also the things that trigger my inner-criticism, activate that nagging voice inside of my head, and incite fierce internal Resistance. I would qualify these as (b) things that made NO sense.
I painstakingly attempted to articulate what I meant by these (b) things to my coach. After much fumbling and some awkward silence, my coach, Jocelyn, took a moment to reflect and calmly responded back: "What I’m hearing is Authenticity. The desire for your life and work to reflect who you truly are.”
Aha, per usual — she nailed it.
This was a win. I was now able to articulate what I was looking for: Authenticity. But how do you define this? What does this mean mean? How does one go about achieving this? And, if these questions are so damn hard to answer, is it even worth the pursuit?
I was feeling a strong urge to scrap Authenticity as a focus, to go gentle into that good night and to devote all of my attention to the (a) things that made sense. But I had this nagging intuition that I should stand my ground with myself. Everything in this bucket was something that I could think myself out of being important, but that I felt really fucking mattered. These were the things that when written down trigger the immediate impulse to hit delete; that when spoken aloud come out sounding trite and awkward, and likely elicit silence from the person you’re speaking to. The things that are hard, if not impossible, to measure but still might be worth the pursuit. The things that we’ve all seen glimpses of in others, but are impossibly difficult to reverse-engineer the cause of. For these reasons, I decided to let intuition be my guide and say hell yes to the hypothesis that Authenticity was important and worth focusing on during this time.
Unfortunately though, answering the questions — what is authenticity? and how do you get there? — is no small task. And by no small task, I mean this is actually a monumental undertaking. There is no right answer, and it’s difficult to determine the steps you’d take to get there. Both the “what” and the “how” of Authenticity are hard to crack, and deeply personal. This also isn’t a problem set you solve overnight and then turn into your professor the next day.
I’m here to tell you that at this point I don’t know yet the answer to the “what is authenticity” question. I do know though that it’s about being in alignment and acting in integrity. I also know that it’ll require some serious introspection, and likely some replacement of who I think I am for I actually am.
For me, here’s how I’m currently going about finding out the answer to this question:
Getting clear about what an authentic life looks like to me — what do I want my life to look like? how do I actually define success? what goals might I want to set to get there? what work and play feels meaningful? how do I want to show-up in my life, my relationships and my work?
Becoming aware of my preferences — what are my strengths, weaknesses? what are my (true) preferences? what am I curious about? what work and play energizes me? what stories am I telling myself that are unhealthy or not serving me anymore?
Learning to operate from a place of authenticity — what does it mean to operate day-to-day from a place of alignment, integrity and authenticity? how can I lean into my intuition? how can I start making decisions, and spending my time, in ways that are more aligned with me?
I’m deliberately not over-thinking this pursuit of Authenticity right now. A big part of why I’m not overthinking this is that I’m convinced that authenticity is something that you actively discover (with the assist of more passive introspection); that it’s something that takes a fair amount of trial and error; that it takes being misaligned to actually become aligned; that it takes being out of integrity with yourself to know what being in integrity with yourself actually means.
I’m diving into resources that I come across that I think my point me in that direction, but I’m not over-obsessing about the path. I’ve committed to completing 1 resource per week moving forward. On top of therapy and coaching, below are a few resources I’ve found to be helpful in this journey so far.
Hoffman Institute (2-Day Essentials) | Enneagram | Strength Finders | Finding Your Own North Star | Designing Your Life | The Compound Effect | Conscious Leadership Group
I think that this work is important, possibly the most important work of one’s life. I’m also convinced that living into authenticity will make me more present day-to-day, more effective in my relationships, my work and my play and ultimately a more happy and fulfilled individual. But I’m also willing to be proven wrong. I look forward to keeping y’all updated on the journey.
Final Note: If there’s anything you’d recommend adding to the list above, I would absolutely love to hear about it. And if you’re curious about any of the above resources, I’d be happy to chat with you about them anytime, so don’t hesitate to reach out.
🎸 30 Tunes in 30(ish) Days
I’m on to creative expression project #2 — writing 30 songs in 30(ish) days (ish bc I’m taking this week off, so it won’t be completely 30 days in a row). I’ve completed 8 days so far. I’ve had a blast working out my right brain and am learning a whole lot about the song-writing process. More to come on what I’ve learned!
You can follow along on harrisbrown.me/music and also find everything on my Soundcloud. I’ve also included a few of my favorites below!
Use this link if the embed above doesn’t work: Pocket Funk
Use this link if the embed above doesn’t work: Slide Into My DMs
Use this link if the embed above doesn’t work: Major Minor Seventh
📖 Big Magic | Elizabeth Gilbert
And while the paths and outcomes of creative living will vary wildly from person to person, I can guarantee you this: A creative life is an amplified life. It's a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life.
I’ve never considered myself creative, in the traditional sense. Sure, I’ve got some “creative” hobbies, like playing guitar, but I’ve personally never viewed myself as a creative or an artist on any sort. I’d grown up to assume that it was something you either had, or you didn’t. I didn’t have it. What I’m coming to realize is that being “creative” is really nothing more than a choice. Creativity is a principle, a way of being, a modus operandi. You don’t need to paint Guernica in order to be creative. You don’t even have to be an artist, for that matter. You can live creatively; you can work creatively; you can creatively engage with your family and friends.
Gilbert argues in Big Magic that we’re all capable of being creative; all it requires is the courage and self-permission to bring this creativity forth and the persistence to commit and trust in the process. Big Magic is an incredible manifesto on what creativity is and why it’s a pursuit worth your energy. I cannot recommend this book enough.
Sidenote: I’ve likely mentioned to more than a few of you the crush that I've developed on Elizabeth Gilbert in 2020. This Tim Ferriss interview was both my introduction and what sealed the deal between myself and Elizabeth (I promise I haven't read Eat Pray Love…yet). Definitely worth checking out.
Favorite Quotes
On curiosity (over passion):
I believe that curiosity is the secret. Curiosity is the truth and the way of creative living. Curiosity is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. Furthermore, curiosity is accessible to everyone. Passion can seem intimidatingly out of reach at times — a distant flower of flame, accessible only to geniuses and to those who are specially touched by God. But curiosity is a milder, quieter, more welcome, and more democratic entity. The stakes of curiosity are also far lower than the stakes of passion. Passion makes you get divorced and sell all your possessions and shave your head and move to Nepal. Curiosity doesn't ask nearly so much of you.
On courage:
So this, I believe, is the central question upon which all creative living hinges: Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?
On fear:
Trust me, your fear will always show up, especially when you're trying to be inventive or innovative. Your fear will be triggered by your creativity, because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome, and fear hates uncertain outcome.
Read It: Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
* first one interested can also have my copy (if you’re willing to deal with more than a few highlights). Just let me know, and I’ll ship it to you!
🎤 Jerry Seinfeld — A Comedy Legend’s Systems, Routines, and Methods for Success | The Tim Ferriss Show
The key to writing, to being a good writer, is to treat yourself like a baby, very extremely nurturing and loving, and then switch over to Lou Gossett in Officer and a Gentleman and just be a harsh prick, a ball-busting son of a bitch, about, “That is just not good enough. That’s got to come out,” or “It’s got to be redone or thrown away."
Just having finished 30 days of writing in a row, I couldn’t have come across this interview at a better time. I expected this interview to be funny (which I can confirm it is), but what I didn’t expect was for me to walk away with a wealth of wisdom on habits & routines, operating systems and the writing process. In retrospect, this shouldn’t be a surprise given how damn successful Jerry Seinfeld is; but it definitely took me off guard in a good way.
One of my observations from my 30 days of writing was just how many bad ideas came out before anything remotely decent landed on the page. At some point though, my writing would get to a place where I felt like it was good enough to put out into the wild. This interview with Jerry Seinfeld further reaffirmed this observation. What was clear from this interview was how even someone as accomplished as Jerry Seinfeld still, to this day, writes a lot of garbage before he lands on anything he considers worth putting out there. Yes, he has natural gifts and talents, but what makes him great are the habits, processes and mental models he’s honed that propel him to get something on paper, and then ruthlessly, ruthlessly, ruthlessly edit that thing; and do that a whole lot of times. As you’d expect, this interview is also hilarious on top of everything else above, so I’d highly recommend a listen.
Favorite Quotes
On the mind being a dog:
It’s like you’ve got to treat your brain like a dog you just got. The mind is infinite in wisdom. The brain is a stupid, little dog that is easily trained. Do not confuse the mind with the brain. The brain is so easy to master. You just have to confine it. You confine it. And it’s done through repetition and systematization.
On systemizing a writing habit:
And we have many, many examples of that. So she’s trying to write this thing. She’s struggling, “I can’t write. I keep putting it off.” So I explain to her my basic system, which you already talked about at the top of the show, which is, if you’re going to write, make yourself a writing session. What’s the writing session? I’m going to work on this problem. Well, how long are you going to work on it? Don’t just sit down with an open-ended, “I’m going to work on this problem.” That’s a ridiculous torture to put on a human being’s head.
On ideas as experiments:
Then it becomes something that I can’t wait to say. And then we go from there to the stage with it. From the stage, the audience will then — I imagine, it’s a very scientific thing to me. It’s like, “Okay, here’s my experiment,” and you run the experiment. Then the audience just dumps a bunch of data on you, of, “This is good, this is okay, this is very good, this is terrible.” That goes into my brain from performing it on stage. Then it’s back through the rewrite process and then new ideas will come.
Listen: Jerry Seinfeld — A Comedy Legend’s Systems, Routines, and Methods for Success
🦄 Inspiration
The Four Tendencies
How do you respond to internal and external expectations? This is the question that Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies Quiz will help you answer. I’ve been struggling to keep personal commitments to myself (case-in-point: slipping on the initial send date for this newsletter), so my coach encouraged me to take this 5-minute quiz to help build-in accountability mechanisms that work for me, rather than against me. In case you’re curious, I learned I’m an Obliger.
Interintellect
I joined my first Interintellect salon last week! The topic was Redirection! Navigating Detours from Traffic Jams to Life Plans. Here's how it’s described: "Interintellect Salons are relaxed, evening-length, moderated discussions in video calls that anyone can join." Such a rad idea. Jump on a zoom and join an intimate discussion with a bunch of strangers on a meaty topic.
Quote
To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight.
ee cummings
That’s it, folks — thanks again for taking the time to read. And happy holidays! I’m grateful to be spending this week with my family up in Guerneville. We’ll be doing some hiking, hanging, surfing, lounging, eating, and drinking. As I did last year for the first time, I’ll also be forcing my family to discuss their responses to my 2020 New Years Reflection Questions. I’m planning to share my answers next week, so stay tuned!
Take care 🤘,
Harris